What is Calculus?

This question has plagued Science for generations. It is now generally accepted that Calculus is the study of the complicated and frustrating contraption called "Calculator". Although you may ask yourself why geniuses even try to study the unfathomable Calculator, a better question is "where do Calculators even come from?" Calculators have been proven to come from cavemen (and small rocks and churches) ...... one day the cavemen realized they needed something to add up how many caves they had so they discovered the Calculator. If you think i'm wrong, don't even try to argue....... It's Science.

To digress for a moment, the difficulty in comprehending the "Calculator" lies in the variety of forms that each "Calculator" evinces itself. I mean really, could the average person be expected to understand the "Calculator"..... it comes in all sorts of colors (silver, blue, black, etc.), shapes (circle, square, rectangle, house), and even varying masses ranging from 1.2 to 27.8 grams. COME ON.... there's like an affinity of possible combinations.

I suppose all i'm trying to say is COME ON SCIENCE... GET IT TOGETHER... let's make one "Calculator" that does everything and that every creature understands (even the platypus and jackalope)

How about it Science?